Tag Archives: coaching
Improving Coaching Skills
1. I usually learn the same way I suggest in my coach training classes – by listening back to recordings of my own coaching. And sometimes I stop the recording because I think OMG, this was a great coaching question, I must write it down. And then, the next day, when I look at the question I wrote down, it doesn’t look powerful at all. The reason being, the context was lost, the moment is gone, and it becomes meaningless. So even though most of the time you can’t pluck the question or a certain response out of the context and hope it’ll be just as brilliant at another time, with another client, during another session, etc.- you can still learn more from it if you write it down. You will deposit it in your memory bank and it will create another choice that you can possibly adjust for another client and their situation.
2. Another thing that I do – and that may feel a bit “risky” to you – I ask my colleagues (who are experienced coaches) to listen to the recordings of me coaching others and to provide their feedback. There may be some blind spots and improvements they can offer that I might not be able to catch and/or discover on my own. As my mother would say, one brain is good, but 2 or 3 is even better.:)
3. I also learn when I teach my coach training classes, and it’s always exciting.
4. And last but not least, I learn by observing and listening to other coaches coach and by reading new and old books about coaching and self-improvement in general.
What are your best learning methods for improving your coaching skills?
Copyright © Marianna Lead. All Rights Reserved in ALL Media.
Gremlins: Our Agenda or Our Client’s?
For some clients, putting themselves down is their “default” system. We understand that when they do – their “Gremlins” must be acting out. Our clients know that they are not stupid. They know it, but these voices – their Gremlins – do creep in. So, of course, we must create awareness around that. And, once the awareness is established and our clients still put themselves down… then what? At times, when that happens, I feel it’s healthier to take a beat and move on, rather than focus their attention on it once more. After all, we strengthen what we focus on. I definitely don’t want to give more energy and more strength to their Gremlins. We also must watch out for this not to become our agenda for “fixing” our clients. There is a significant skill that is required for bringing Gremlins to light at appropriate times while still staying on your client’s agenda. One of the ways to do it is to simply ask if they would want to talk about it or stay on their original agenda. However, it becomes challenging if a client does it over and over again as a habit of sorts. What are your thoughts and experiences?
Copyright © Marianna Lead. All Rights Reserved in ALL Media.
Establishing the Coaching Agreement: The Misunderstood Competency
ICF’s explanation of this competency is the “Ability to understand what is required in the specific coaching interaction and to come to agreement with the prospective and new client about the coaching process and relationship.” Many coaches take this to mean that it’s all about the coaching contract and all the logistics around the coaching relationship. However, as ICF assessors, we are instructed to apply this competency to determine how coach creates an agreement with a client about the topic and the results that are expected from each given coaching session. It’s one of the most important and yet one of the most misunderstood competencies. And, for a masterful coaching (MCC), establishing “what is required in the specific coaching interaction” needs to be thoroughly explored before moving on to the rest of the session. In my personal experience, exploring what my client really wants often resolves the very issue at hand. What is your understanding and experience with this competency?
Copyright © Marianna Lead. All Rights Reserved in ALL Media.
Coaching on Number 13?
Welcome to 2013! Do you expect helping your clients to overcome the number 13 superstition this year? Do you yourself have some trepidations about having to live with number 13 for a whole year ahead?
In a nation that has omitted 13th floors from buildings and 13th rows from airplanes, and even has a word for this fear (“triskaidekaphobia”), facing this fear is unavoidable now — whether we want it or not. We can’t invite our secretary, like President Franklin D. Roosevelt used to do, to make sure that there won’t ever be “thirteen” guests. This number is here to stay with us for a whole year. Every day when we look at the calendar or type up a date, it’ll end in number 13. Ironically, I just checked my LinkedIn group, “ICF Coach Mentors and Mentees”, and 13 people joined the group on the first day of this New Year.
The meaning of the number 13 is both about endings and new beginnings. That makes sense, since every beginning denotes the end of something else. So, to the new beginnings and a wonderful year ahead!
Copyright © Marianna Lead. All Rights Reserved in ALL Media.
What does passion mean to you?
As coaches, we talk a lot about passion — not only as a driving force for achievement but also as a necessary element for happiness. But does everyone’s happiness depend on an abundance of passion? I know a few people who are passionate but not really happy. “Passion” just as “happiness” represent something intangible and, therefore, are extremely subjective. It may mean different things to different people. So, if passion comes up in a coaching session, it may be wise to start by asking our clients, “What does “passion” mean to you?” And just be curious and listen…
What not to ask your new coaching client
There are a lot of questions that coaches ask, thinking that it may help them know their clients better. One of these questions is: “What are you passionate about?” Some clients may like this question and respond readily and others may feel very uncomfortable — as “passion” may not be part of their active vocabulary. Instead of asking questions of this sort, I prefer to ask a new client to share with me anything they think might be good for me to know to gain a deeper understand of them – which ultimately will make our coaching relationship more effective. And, as they share with me, I’ll ask questions that feel right in the moment, fit their vocabulary, and make sense in the flow of our conversation. But most of all… I listen…
Is establishing a coaching agreement necessary at the start of every session?
First, what is a coaching agreement? It is simply an agreement between coach and client about the work they are going to do together and the benefits the client is looking to get. I feel it is imperative to establish it at the beginning of every coaching session.
When we are talking about a masterful coaching, we must first establish what constitutes “coaching”. There are must be specific guidelines that separate coaching from other modalities — and I feel that creating a coaching agreement is one of those important guidelines. It is especially imperative — as other related professions use similar skill sets. Therefore, it would be a mistake to think that just because we listened deeply, mirrored back what our client said, and asked good questions, that those actions alone would constitute a successful coaching session. It would also be erroneous to think that “it’s coaching” as long as our client benefited from the session. People benefit from talking to a good friend, a priest, a rabbi, their therapist, or a social worker. So, to call ourselves professional coaches, we must establish a coaching agreement. It honors and encourages the client’s ability to determine what would be most useful to work on. It gets them to take charge and to be responsible. However, establishing an agreement doesn’t mean that we necessarily must have a “topic” or shoot for specific “results.” Even though we usually do have a coaching topic and shoot for results, a masterful coach can establish an open-ended coaching agreement by simply mirroring what she heard or intuited to be her client’s desire for the session. An example of such an agreement could be: “It sounds as though you’d like to spend our time sharing with me and speaking your mind about this issue. Is that so?”
Copyright © 2012 Marianna Lead All Rights Reserved in All Media
Coaching & Training: Accountability versus Babysitting
Years ago, I had a client who was furious at me –claiming that I didn’t hold her “accountable” and didn’t make sure she took the action steps she was supposed to take. Even back then, I didn’t stand for her attitude –and, basically, we ended up “firing” each other. But, it didn’t feel good at all and I still think about that experience…
Today, I have a very different understanding about what it means to hold our clients accountable. There is a big difference between that and serving as some sort of taskmaster or babysitter. As ICF coaches, we view our clients as “whole, creative and resourceful”. To treat them like children by insistently asking, “Did you do this as you said you would?” is a mistake. Instead, we must simply ask our clients what support, if any, they might need, as well as gently check in – when appropriate – with, “So, how is that coming along?”
I don’t think that our clients are looking for another parent or a babysitter. And, I suspect, the clients who do, may need therapy more than coaching. So, whenever a new coaching prospect starts drilling me on how good I am at holding my clients accountable, a red flag is immediately raised in my mind. That’s just my 2 cents.
Relationship Metaphors in Coaching
I love creating these “situational metaphors” that quickly illustrate particular situations my clients are going through — allowing me to present a different perspective without making them defensive or making me come off as an “expert.”
For instance, one of my clients was holding onto a relationship she knew wasn’t healthy for her, because it was her first serious relationship; her first “grown-up” love.
I said, “It sounds as if though you discovered this great candy store and immediately were attracted to this brightly-colored lollipop — and didn’t get a chance to see the rest of the store, which was full of great, tasty, and much more sophisticated candy. What comes up for you when I say that? ”
Do you have any coaching metaphors you’d like to share?
Attention and Intention in Coaching
How effective is intention without attention? To what extent are these two concepts connected and dependent on one another? If we have an intention but don’t follow through with it, it means that it’s lacking attention. Attention is our focus — our mental and emotional energy. Without that energy, intention is dead. On the other hand, attention alone is not directed to anything. It’s like an empty vessel. We need to know what to direct our attention towards. That’s where our intention comes into play. Intention is the meaning and the engine that moves us forward to where we intend to go. Intention gives us the direction. So, in that sense, the intention can be viewed as something we define when we ask our clients what they want to work on as we establish our coaching agreement. And attention is that space of mental energy and focus that is provided during our coaching sessions.