Tag Archives: feelings
NLP, Coaching & Training: Getting Ourselves in an Optimum State
What is an “optimum state”? It’s a state of mind that you are in when you are “in the flow” or “in the zone”; a state of mind you find yourself in, when you accomplish things in an effortless way, and it feels as if “it was meant to be”. The question is, can we get there by will, consciously placing ourselves in that “winning” state of mind?
If we could do that, we could go for any interview, participate in any debate, take on any challenge without later on thinking back about what we could have said or done, because we would have said and done the exact “right” things in the moment when the opportunity presented itself right there and then. There would be no regrets, only the wins. We would be able to demonstrate our abilities and skills in the best possible light; we would be able to be extremely productive and more valuable. So, can we do that by will and if so, how?
One of the ways of doing it, is with NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) technique.
1. Access the feeling associated with that state of mind
2. Intensify it as much as you can (by imagining all the details of one of the events that had caused you to feel this way in the past)
3. Let go of the event and just keep focusing on the feeling allowing yourself to experience it fully and powerfully.
4. Anchor it by placing your hand on one of your knees, or on your chest, or by putting your thumb and forefinger together – whichever feels more natural to you
5. Whenever you want to get yourself in that state of mind, just doing #4 should be able to do the trick. If it’s not working, you must choose a different trigger, meaning, a different event that would create a more moving, more empowering feeling within you, and repeat the steps.
If you know of any other ways of accessing your optimum state, please share.:)
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Copyright © 2012 by Marianna Lead & www.GoalImageryInstitute.com All Rights Reserved in All Media.
Coaching & Training: Should Coaches Be Asking, “What are You Feeling Now?” Part I
On my journey to MCC (Master Certified Coach) credentialing with ICF (Int’l Coach Federation), I’m having conversations with many MCC coaches about their views of coaching as well as getting their direct feedback on my coaching.
As a result, I’m really surprised at how many different opinions I’ve collected about asking a simple question “How do you feel about that?”
It looks like everyone agrees that feelings are important, but many feel (no pun intended) that asking that question is a bad coaching choice.
Some feel that the “feeling” question is not being specific enough. That argument doesn’t make any sense to me at all. Wouldn’t that be the very reason to ask it – so that our client could have the space to reflect and identify his/her feeling and make it specific? It’s up to our clients to identify their feelings and make them specific, it’s not up to us. It’s about increasing their awareness to how they feel. And, if they have difficulty identifying their feeling/s – that’s going to serve as a great indicator in terms of their ability or a lack of it to identify what they feel & their EQ awareness, which they can choose to focus and work on with their coach upon that discovery.
It gets better… Since, according to them, this question is not specific enough, they suggest asking “What are you thinking?” instead. Does that make any sense? In what way can it possibly be more specific? We are just asking our clients to access their thinking instead of feelings – that’s all. “Thinking” is just as general as “Feeling” in that context, isn’t it? What am I missing here?
And some coaches say that we shouldn’t ask that question because some clients may not know how to access their feelings. According to ICF we must view our clients as “whole, creative and resourceful”. Wouldn’t anticipating that your clients wouldn’t know what they feel suggests a lack of believe that your clients are really “whole”? A person who is whole should be able to access both their thinking AND feelings. We are not robots, we are human beings. Trusting that your client can only access thinking and not feeling, is like saying that they are half whole or, even worst, not human enough. Only humans – as opposed to computers (built on logic and void of feelings) or animals (have feelings but can’t think them through) – can not only have feelings, but also are able to use their thinking to analyze them.
Another BIG concern is that if we ask about “feelings”, we’ll get into the realm of therapy. I don’t believe it’s the case. However, it’s getting too long for one blog post. To be continued…
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Copyright © 2012 by Marianna Lead & www.GoalImageryInstitute.com All Rights Reserved in All Media.
Coaching & Training: Being Aware & Managing Your Feelings as a Coach
One of my coaching clients is a project manager. During our coaching session, which was focused on some time management issues that he had, he asked me to share how I manage my own time. I felt a bit uncomfortable about his request, but rushed to offer him all I know about time management and how I manage my own time. After talking for a few minutes, I mentioned that our schedules and life challenges are very different. I asked him how what I have shared might have been useful for him. He didn’t respond to that directly, but my feeling was that the time spent on that wasn’t very effective.
When our coaching session was over, I thought to myself about why I went into explaining how I manage my time. And then I had this discovery : I acted out from the “wrong” place, from the place of not wanting to be judged by my client as someone who withholds useful information, someone who is too secretive or even worst, not helpful enough to her clients. If I were to take a moment to really understand my feelings at the time when he asked me to share “my story”, I would have acted differently. I would have said, “I’m happy to share with you how I manage my time, but our lives and challenges are so different. And as a project manager with as many years of experience as you have, you must know a lot about time management skills. In what way could you apply them to your life?” That would have made our session much more productive and we would have gotten to the solution much quicker.
My big insight: being aware of your own feelings (as a coach) and managing them is just as important as understanding your client’s feelings. Just as we check in with our client to make sure that we understand them and that we are on the right track, we must check in within ourselves to make sure that our questions and comments come from the right place.
Copyright © 2012 by Marianna Lead & www.GoalImageryInstitute.com All Rights Reserved in All Media.